When you are the one with something to give
Giving · 3 min ·
Most writing about a site like this addresses the person who needs something. This one is for the other half of the day, when you are fine, and there is a bit of you spare.
There is no qualification
You do not need to have been through anything. You do not need a good week of your own, an aptitude for this, or any particular way with words. If you have a kind minute, that is the entire requirement, and it is not a modest way of describing a longer list.
People hold back because they assume the giving side is for the sorted, and that they should get themselves in order first. Nobody here is in order. That was never the arrangement.
How it actually works
You are shown one person who has asked. Not a list, not a feed of other people's bad days to scroll through, because that would be a browsing experience and this is not one.
You see the name the site gave them and whatever they chose to write, which is often nothing at all. You do not know who they are, where they are, or anything else, and neither of you ever will unless you both decide otherwise.
Write a line, or a paragraph. Send it. If this one is not for you, ask for somebody else and nobody is told. A hug with nothing written in it is still a hug, and it goes at once.
You are not taking anybody on
This is the fear that keeps thoughtful people out, so it is worth being direct about. Sending somebody three sentences does not make you responsible for them. You are not on shift, you are not on call, and there is no thread you have committed to.
There is no rota here and nobody is expected to keep any of it up. Give one today and none for the next six months, and nothing anywhere marks that.
You will not find out whether it helped
Often there is no reply. That is normal, it means nothing, and thanks are not owed here. Somebody read a kind thing from a stranger at the end of a long day, which was the whole of the job.
If a site like this handed out scores, it would slowly become about the scores. So it does not, and the price of that is never quite knowing. That is a fair trade and you get used to it.
When not to send one
If you are running on empty, leave it. A hug written out of duty reads exactly like duty, and the person on the other end is better served by somebody who felt like it. You owe this place nothing and the asks are not going anywhere.
Also: if you find you are sending a great many to the same person in one day, ease off. Enthusiasm is not the same as welcome, and the site will say so gently if it happens.
If somebody sounds like they need more
Say so kindly, and say it early. You are not letting them down by naming the limit, and pretending to be equal to something you are not is the version that actually causes harm.
This is not a helpline and nobody here is a professional anything, including you. There are people who can help properly, they are free, and pointing somebody towards them is one of the kindest things available to you.
If the empty box is the obstacle, what to say has four you can borrow. Otherwise, give one is where it starts.
More
- Nobody here ever asks you for moneyThe one absolute rule on freehug.me, why it is stated so flatly, what a request for money tends to look like, and how to tell us without signing in.
- Blocking somebody, and what they seeOne tap, no reason asked, and the other person is never told. What blocking does on freehug.me, what it ends, and why it is deliberately a quiet exit.
- Grief, and the company of strangersEverybody is kind for a fortnight and then the world resumes. Why grief gets harder to mention as it goes on, and what a stranger can offer that a friend cannot.
Not a helpline, and nobody here is a professional anything. If today is a serious one, there are people who can help properly.